
i admit, i was not born with the gene that understands at birth that women should shave their legs. or wear makeup...much less, you know, "trim the hedges".
or maybe i *was*, but lost it somewhere in the wake of watching my former southern-beauty-queen mother cake on makeup and curl her hair just to drop us off at school. even if that meant we were late (or maybe she was really going to go see her secret lover afterwards??...
nah...).
at the sweet, tender age of ten, i was probably close to a militant feminist. i had very short hair, refused to wear dresses, openly scoffed at my mother's domesticity (sorry mom!) and was certain that if hair grew anywhere on our bodies, it was because it was supposed to be there. (and i was apparently good enough at this that i effectively convinced my mother i was a lesbian until my mid-20s.)
[how did i turn out so mild? and
straight?]
so anyway. up until i moved to LA, i never really trimmed...down there. i suppose it had simply never occurred to me as something to do.
shaving
around "the area"...sure. for even though my mom's passive aggressive attempts to buy me Nair, without ever actually telling me what it was for, failed completely...once around age fourteen or so my sister walked into my room when i was dancing around in my underwear and i guess i had some afro-in-a-wig-cap action happening down there, she merely held up her hand and said, "CHRISTY!!! how about a courtesy shave!?" --well see, that worked wonders. see, parental units, mine and at-large, when you actually speak to people,
amazing things can happen.
but that was still a decade before i found myself in the company of two of the first LA women i ever met in this great city--both very proud to be
*double scorpios*--which for those not in the know apparently means nympho sex kittens/maniacs.
and one night, hanging out with these lovely ladies at fat fish, a great sushi joint in west hollywood, one of these ladies and i had to go to the bathroom at the same time. and there was only one.
"oh, don't worry, we can go together!" she enthused, and pulled me in with her.
*sidenote: all through junior high and high school i had a recurring nightmare that i had to go to the bathroom in front of other people. my high school psychology teacher informed me this was a dream about feeling that i had no privacy.
*side-sidenote: at the time when he told me this, i had had the definition of privacy (reposted verbatim from the dictionary) taped to my bedroom door for several years.
*side-side-sidenote: i COULD NOT go to the bathroom in her presence. she said her ex-husband was the same way. "pee-shy", she called it. i actually, truth be told, drove all the way home just to pee before re-meeting them at a bar later that night.
but anyway. while i was waiting for her to go, i couldn't help but notice her daintily trimmed pubes. just a tiny triangle of hair, really. i apologized and probably blushed ridiculously for noticing. but see, the thing about DOUBLE SCORPIOS is how sexually open they are! she merely laughed and apologized for the moment even happening.
but like i say...tell me...
show me...i am open to bettering myself. i am doggedly addicted to bettering myself. so from that night on, i decided, well...
if a double scorpio does that with her pubes, who am i to argue?
(for more on my countdown, 30 lessons from lalaland, click
here)