lesson twenty-eight: it's about the journey

Not to say I thought it was about the destination before...to be honest I can't recall how I felt. Except that probably I would arrive in LA and everyone would recognize my immense talents and I would immediately be super-successful. (I swear to god I found a spreadsheet I'd made near upon arriving in which I planned to be a millionaire and own a home by age 27! FOR REAL! It gave me the biggest laugh!)

But more to the point, while everyone is resolving right now in honor of the New Year, so am I. My ongoing resolution is to be less and less hard on myself, as despite being completely silly I tend to be over-serious and harsh in regards to my own various successes or lack thereof.

And--I have a lot to do this year. 2008 was a holycrap-OMG!-surprise-guerrilla-attack-war year. 2009 was a recovery year. so 2010 is a "get shit done" year.

So as I was thinking about this, my friend Brian was starting to put together a weekly "Sunday Night Questing" video game night with a bunch of our friends (best idea ever!)

And I thought--this is going to be my year of quests. One at a time, like a Netflix queue. However long it takes, is how long it takes, but I also can't move on to the next one until each is finished (hopefully a little give-and-take motivation/reward to myself.)

So as my 30 Lessons from Lalaland winds down (it was supposed to be finished in July? really? see how deadlines paralyze me!?)--my new blog series will begin:

2010: My Year of Quests.

Should be a great one!

(for more on my countdown, 30 lessons from lalaland, click here)

lesson twenty-seven: embrace the geek

About a year ago(ish), I was very unhappy (again) in LA and was thinking seriously about moving (again). 2008 had been my personal year from Hell--

I lost my (great) job TWICE in two months.

I lived in four different apartments from the beginning to the end of 2008--two of which I fled from bad-crazy roommates, the bad-crazier one of which then sued me for money I'd already paid her and she just refused to cash the checks. (And she somehow won--or the judge, not caring, merely split the difference because she added fake charges to it, too.)

And then there was that thing with that guy...

Then I went home for a much needed respite, and didn't get it. I just got more guilt for not being a Christian, not having a boyfriend, and not having a job.

(Did I mention I didn't go home this year? And it was FANTASTIC!)

So back around Februaryish I was doing some real soul-searching. I wanted to GET OUT. But what it eventually came down to is, I hadn't achieved my objective yet, and until I finished that quest I couldn't even know what the next one was or how to go about achieving it (much less leave with a clear conscience). It would have been hitting the "eject" button and seeing where in the atmosphere I landed...

The thing was, I couldn't imagine leaving while I was so lonely. It felt like it would be accepting defeat when I was (I hoped) so close to a victory (although war-weary like nobody's business). My objective in LA, whether knowing it consciously or not from the beginning, was to have a social support system for the very first time in my life.

And now, looking back on the year and forward to the next as is tradition every year's end, 2009 was (although subtly so) a banner year:

--I achieved my objective! Mission Accomplished! Answer: It took me 5 whole years to have a solid support system for the first time in 29.

--I wrote my first full-length play. (which is AWESOME, and which I need to get my butt in gear and rewrite the ending of very soon so I can get a reading up in early '10.)

--I got the savvy and the balls to finally learn to say "no" to guys (not in a lesbian way) until I find something I want instead of trying to hammer something in that doesn't quite fit (not in a hetero way). I mean I don't have a physical list of requirements or anything, more a VERY finely honed yes/no censor.

Which leads to the geek part (in addition to the fact I've been playing Civilization 4 for 3 days straight...and the fact that I've become a much happier person since being outwardly and proudly the geek that I am after hiding it, ashamed, growing up.)--

(And in addition to the fact that after being pummeled a few times, I kicked serious butt last night, leading to a metaphor about how this time it took me five years but I was shooting in the dark, doing something I'd never had the opportunity to accomplish before and now I know what's what it definitely won't take me five years the next time.)--

But before my objective was achieved, I thought that once I achieved it there's no way I could leave Los Angeles because I finally found what I'd been looking for for my entire life.

But AFTER achieving it, I realized that life is much more like a video game. You complete a quest and it falls away, leading you to new quests.

It takes being happy to happily move on, you know?

(for more on my countdown, 30 lessons from lalaland, click here)

lesson twenty-six: monogamy isn't natural

...and neither are: being potty-trained, brushing your teeth, cupcakes, paychecks, learning to read, going to the bank, organized sports, modern medicine, houses, brunch, refrigeration, or anything else we do or benefit from in life.

in every single facet of our existence, we've overcome the embarrassments of our crude, natural state, and we've (rightly) embraced our superiority in the ability to do so. and yet the argument persists that monogamy just isn't reasonable to expect of ourselves.

and i don't want to hear anything else about the freaking penguins mating for life...we have nothing else in common with the penguins...so why would we share that one trait?

but you don't hear people crusading for the right to take a crap on the sidewalk, do you?

have you ever been overcome by the dire urge to pee while stuck in traffic? sure you have. did you do it? no, you didn't.

because no matter how painful and terrifically all-consuming it was in the moment...maybe you had to bite hard on a pen for fifteen minutes (done it) and fight back tears (done that) but you made it home as fast as you could and relieved yourself there.

and you didn't make a mess, and you didn't ruin anything. and once it was over, the anguish of your trip home was all but forgotten and you still had your dignity in tact.

so if you're willing to go through those lengths just to save a pair of pants and your car upholstery, how much more is it worth not to mess things up with the person you love because you are overcome with some temporary bodily urge?

committed relationships aren't natural, but if you're lucky enough to find a good one they're way more valuable and satisfying and way less replaceable than a pair of pants or your car upholstery.

so if you're the type insistent upon embracing your natural state, please go live in the woods and be free. but if you're the type to appreciate and enjoy the finer things we've achieved on this planet...

...please train yourself to hold it until you get home.

(for more on my countdown, 30 lessons from lalaland, click here)

lesson twenty-five: it's okay to forgive someone for purely selfish reasons

This one's not going to be long. But a little less than two weeks ago, I did something I've never done before. I forgave someone who hurt me--although unintentionally--very, very badly, without any kind of proper apology or explanation.

(Several weeks) after this happened, said person finally said, "I don't really know what to say." And that was about it. A few weeks later I told him--"THIS IS WHAT I NEED YOU TO DO SO WE CAN BE FRIENDS AGAIN." (He thought we were already cool by that point.) Did he do this? No. Did I have any confidence the gesture was forthcoming? No.

So after feeling terrible about something I did nothing to cause done by someone who seemed incapable of making amends for weeks, if not months...a light bulb went on. Something like: I get to stop feeling bad about this thing that was done to me. I get to stop feeling awkward around this person who did something to me and is unwilling to deal with it.

And I realized I was allowed to forgive him, anyway. Just like that. And based on the results, I have to exponentially recommend it. I'm going to start forgiving people for no reason more often.

(for more on my countdown, 30 lessons from lalaland, click here)